We know what you're thinking: this post can't be serious.
But it is.
Like, dead serious.
After dismissing the theory that Elon Musk is Satoshi Nakamoto as a joke for a long time, we went and had a closer look at the arguments behind this rumor and, as this piece from Entrepeneur put it, the logic behind the speculation is relatively sound.
See, according to this guy who worked for Musk under SpaceX, Bitcoin is written in C++ and Elon Musk knows C++. Bam! Bingo. As if this wasn't enough evidence, there is an even more impressive reason: Satoshi Nakamoto is an anagram for “So a man took a shit”.
If you need even more hard evidence that Satoshi Nakamoto is Elon Musk, have a look at this tweet from 2014:
@X4NWO Well, now that Satoshi Nakamoto has been discovered, I guess it is case closed ... :)
— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) March 14, 2014
To us, that is smoking gun proof right there. But some of you may still not be convinced, so let's look at what the counterargument is.
The only proof to the contrary, that Elon is not Satoshi, is a tweet by Musk himself. You know that tweet, from when he said he didn't own any Bitcoin except for 0.25 BTC sent to him as a gift? Here:
Not true. A friend sent me part of a BTC a few years, but I don’t know where it is.
— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) November 28, 2017
Isn't this exactly what you would say if you were Satoshi? For instance, if you were real life Bruce Wayne and suddenly your identity had been blasted out there just like that, would you simply roll over and come out as Batman? No, you wouldn't. This response from the man who blated his own car into space is precisely what you'd expect from real life Satoshi.
We consulted with a body language specialist and, based on his tips, we investigated further and discovered the following tweet. Look carefully at Elon Musk's body language as someone asks him whether he is Satoshi Nakamoto:
I guess that's a confession. Oil thigh! Queen's U to me and you pic.twitter.com/4FYYrAoGx5
— Mars Cross (@MarsCross1) January 29, 2018
Notice anything? Doesn't that look like a yes? Or a hell yes?
We're also glad the mainstream media is asking the hard and logical questions. As the The Mercury News put it, "if Elon Musk didn't invent Bitcoin, then who did"?
And they also raised another very good point:
Not only does Musk pooh-pooh online rumors that he’s the fabled Nakamoto, but he tweeted that he’s clueless about the currency.
Yeah, Musk pooh-pooh'ed online rumors that he's Satoshi. If you were Satoshi, wouldn't you pooh-pooh rumors too?
Want more proof? Again, the mainstream media would never tell us if they knew, right? Well check this Bloomberg piece. Why would Bloomberg publish something that they knew wasn't true? Specifically, check the tone of this dismissal:
The identity of Satoshi Nakamoto, the pseudonymous author of the research paper that conceived bitcoin about nine years ago, remains a mystery.
Again that is exactly what you'd expect from Bloomberg if they were in on the secret but had to cover it up to protect Elon Musk from the hordes of locusts that would swarm every place he ever frequented after this. (As if the man weren't famous enough already. But you know, some guys have all the luck.)
CNBC also made a startling, and seemingly accidental, revelation on their own coverage of the Elon Musk identity leak:
Notice anything? It says "Former SpaceX internet Sahil Gupta". SpaceX has their own former Internet! These people own an Internet, wouldn't they also easily invent Bitcoin?
Are you ready for more fake news from the mainstream media? Check this one out:
"Musk joins a growing list of people who have turned out not to be Satoshi Nakamoto, among them Australian chap Craig Wright, compute scientist Satoshi Nakamoto and PGP Corporation employee number two Hal Finney."
There's a problem with this quote, did you notice? Hal Finney not being Satoshi was never debunked! Or...was it? Does The Register know something we don't? Far as we all could guess, Hal Finney fits Satoshi Nakamoto's profile perfectly. For instance, after Finney passed away, Satoshi never posted to Bitcointalk again... But now that one suspicion seems to have been put to rest. It's like all these media outlets somehow know Elon Musk is Satoshi, but need to deny it. But as you can tell, every one of these media outlets left some canary behind to let us know that they knew.
We admit that there is no direct proof that Musk is Nakamoto, but all these little pieces added up do indicate that he is. You know like Gestalt, where the whole is larger than the sum of the individual parts? If you add all these little hints up, we don't have much room left to doubt Satoshi's true identity.
As another great pioneer of our industry would put it, if Elon hasn't admitted to be Satoshi by 2020, and Bitcoin reaches $ 10 million by 2018, I'll eat my private parts.
Photo Credit: Elon Musk - The Summit 2013 - Picture by Dan Taylor / Heisenberg Media - www.heisenbergmedia.com